New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
