Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
