So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
