I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
