I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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