A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
