Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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