i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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