He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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