I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
