I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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