Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
