nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
