Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
