She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
