I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
