You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i now understand why vodka
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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