i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
