Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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