I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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