Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
