Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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