Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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