I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My feet surprised me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
