No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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