what day is it and did you see me today?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
