This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
