I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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