Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
