I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
