they need to just BURY HIM!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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