I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
