I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do herpes really smell.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
