Pants 0. Shit 1.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
