She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
