I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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