Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
