she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its liver damage thursday
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
