she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
