You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
