I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
