So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
