my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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