if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
