just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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