Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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