She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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