he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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