the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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