Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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